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Friday, May 18, 2018

Dear Dude


I never imagined myself writing this or even caring about this subject. Like most kids in my neighborhood and schools I attended I grew up without my dad, but I was okay with that because I had my pop pop around and I didn't know any different it was normal to me; I never asked for my dad and was just cool with my mom, sisters, and my other family members. Fast forward to when I was 14 years old in my first year of high school on day when I got home my mom told me and my sister she had something to tell us; she sat us down and said that our dad had contacted her and wanted to meet us. My sister was thrilled because she had been praying for this forever, me on the other hand didn't have any particular feelings about it, meeting him was never something I thought I needed; in my mind I was cool, but course I couldn't let my sister do this alone and agreed to the meeting. Upon meeting him we found out that he was married had three kids with his wife and a step daughter. (cool fact lol it's about 10 siblings all together but I have no idea who they are and where they are) Everything went cool for a few months until things started to go bad, he started to break promises and the lies just continued and not even a year into getting to know him the relationship fall off completely. Now its 2018 and I'm 29 years old and I haven't seen my dad in years and him being a part of my life has never phased me because I tend to numb my feelings because I feel like I been hurt to many times to let my feelings flow freely, but now that I'm older and I somewhat stopped being anger I decided to reach out to him and can y'all believe that I he called me from a blocked number, funny right calling your oldest daughter from a blocked number. Since I couldn't talk you again because obviously I don't have your number I'll say it here and you may never see this but I need to get this off my chest. 



Dear Dude,
I'm 29 years old just a reminder to you because you don't know my correct age that day I talked you, anyways like I have said plenty of times I don't need anything from you I have gotten through whole life fine without you around so for you to even think for a min that I reached out to you for something is total BS. Secondly, I hate how you continued to hurt my sister over the years she wanted nothing more than to have a dad around she prayed for you for years and you continued to hurt her over and over again. It’s disappointing that we never got to know our other siblings and now that they are basically grown its difficulty and awkward getting to know them now. Please don't tell me it’s my mom and grandparents fault that you didn't have a relationship with us because they were doing what was best for us and if you really cared you would've been part of our lives. Do you know what’s the biggest slap in the face is that were your oldest and you have never been to one major event our lives and to see you on social media at every event and celebrating every mile stone with your youngest kids is just hurtful at times. Even though I had all those unattached feelings towards you I still made an attempt to say let’s start over and forget everything, and what did you do yup you left me hanging again and I didn't have my hopes up because I wasn't expecting nothing more than less from you but it was still like a dang moment he still playing games after all these years. Now in this moment I letting go all my feelings and freeing myself of you because at least I can say I tried.

PS Dude we're good without you, and you missed out on the best daughters anyone could ask for

4 comments:

  1. Thank you for always being there for me.. It was kind of hard for me to read this because I really wanted him in our life and the fact that he don't want us because he can't have our mom hurts so bad!! It's really hard for me to see him with his youngest kids why couldn't he be that way for us?!?!! But I'm ready to move on just like you and forget about starting a relationship with him!! I'm DONE

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  2. It was hard for me to write this but we did our best to make it work work him now it's his lost

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  3. Thank you so much for your transparency and vulnerability in this post. I will be following your journey. There is power in your testimony.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much I feel like I need to be transparent and vulnerable because there's plenty of young girls and women out there who has the same exact feelings they have been bottle up for years and I feel like it's just time to let him go and stop being angry and just try to live your best life

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