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Tuesday, August 28, 2018

WHILE!



Too often single mothers are accused of being bitter and still stuck on wanting to be with your child’s father, but in my opinion being bitter has nothing to do with it. It’s just all that stress of doing everything by yourself that’s piled up on your shoulders and everybody takes it for attitude. I was inspired to write this post because two people that are very close to me are dealing with two different stages in life that I went through. The first person was dealing with their pregnancy with little to no support from the father. The second person was still staying in a toxic relationship, dealing with little to no support, and basically doing it all by themselves. So in the famous words of Drake I’ll tell those two people that are close to me and to all the other mothers out there doing ya thing “that’s a real one in your reflection without a follow without a mention you really Pimpin up on these n***** we got to be nice for what to look to these n****"

You may call me bitter but so what I have the right to be!
While I carry this baby I still get up each morning for work
While u stay home and do what u want
While u still have a life and friends
While you come and go as you please
You may call me bitter but so what I have the right to be!
While I push this baby out bearing all the pain
While my body has changed
While I get up in the middle of the night to nurse the baby
While u lay there as if u don’t hear the cry's
While I still get up at 5am for work
You call me bitter but so what I have the right to be!
While I struggle to pay the bills
While I struggle to figure out where our next meal is coming from
While u spend money on new sneakers, dude are u for real
You may call me bitter but so what I have the right to be!
While I stay home faithfully day in and day out
While I cry each night wondering what I did wrong
While I blame myself
While you're promiscuous
You call me bitter but so what I have the right to be!
While I get fed up
While I find myself worth
While I pack up and leave
While I look in the mirror and tell myself you got this
Watch me leave and never turn back!

Friday, August 10, 2018

My mind is playing tricks on me





Most days I’m up at 6:15 in the morning taking the kids to school, going to work for 8 hours, and most times I’m not off until about 9:30 or  10:00 p.m. After I get off work, I go pick the kids up and then we go home. After having a long day, all I want to do is jump in the bed and go right to sleep. But no, when it comes to my subconscious my mind likes to play tricks on me. As soon as I’m underneath my covers, all cozy, lights and TV off,  kids in the bed, and I’m ready to shut my eyes and go to sleep...Nope, I’m stopped in my tracks because of course my mind starts playing tricks on me. I go from being cozy in my bed, to being stretched wide out, and eyes wide open. Sometimes tossing and turning turns into being balled up trying to find any comfortable position just to get me asleep; but of course my subconscious won’t let me go to sleep because My Mind is Playing Tricks on Me. My whole day starts to play out in my head like what I could have done, what I should have done, what would have been a better solution to this or that, and I try my hardest to block it all out. Maybe closing my eyes just a little bit tighter might work, but of course it won’t work because My Mind is Playing Tricks on Me. Next is the list of bills that needs to be paid. What bills can I pay this week? What bill can be put on the back burner? How am I going to get the kids tuition paid this month? Do I have enough money to still have fun with the kids this month? Do I have enough money for the necessities we need to get through this month? At this point I turn to my left side and close my eyes a little tighter hoping I can finally fall asleep, but of course I can’t because My Mind is Playing Tricks on Me. At this point it's probably going on 12 a.m. in the morning and I’m still up and now I’m thinking about who’s going to watch the kids for me this weekend. Who’s going to pick the kids up for me after school? At this point I’m fed up and I turn to my right side, squeeze my eyes as tight as I can, and hope that maybe I’ll finally fall asleep, but of course I can’t because My Mind is Playing Tricks on Me. I finally realize I’m not going to sleep so let’s try to find out some type of solution. So I work out most of the problems in my head scheduling bill payments and etc. Just when I thought I had all my problems solved, and I can finally go to sleep, I was wrong because the next problem trickles right down into that spot. So, of course I still can’t sleep because My Mind is Playing Tricks on Me. It’s finally about 1 a.m. and I guess my subconscious is finally deciding to let me be and I finally go to sleep. Now I’m only getting about 7 hours of sleep just because my mind decided it wanted to play tricks on me.



I CAN'T SEE THEM COMING DOWN MY EYES

I CAN’T SEE THEM COMING DOWN MY EYES Another night of tossing and turning And of course, my thoughts are on full blast Why no...