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Thursday, November 29, 2018

Pieces

Pieces

“I deserve more than just a little part
I don't want nothing, if I can't have it all
I ain't even gonna play with something I can't keep
I want the whole thing, or forget about me” – Tamar Braxton


As my followers might already know from previous blog entries yall know that I have been in a long distance with my boyfriend of four years for about six months now. He moved out to Atlanta start training for his new career as Atlanta PD; now when he first went out there y’all Omg I was a whole mess I cried my little eyes out I was spoiled and too use to him being with me almost every night. I wasn’t sure how I would transition to him being so far away. So, when I first found out he would be moving out there I made it perfectly clear to him that I wasn’t going to do this long-distance thing for a long time although I wasn’t trying to pressure him, I felt like decisions needed to be made. Fast forward to present time after many arguments and disagreements about the next step in are relationship regarding if I would move out to Atlanta with him, I decided to stop bringing up the issue because like I said I didn’t wanna keep making it seem like I was forcing him to do something he didn’t wanna do. So recently were having a conversation and out of the blue he says ‘you and the kids mind as well come out here I’m gonna start looking for houses. Omg gosh yall I wanted to do cartwheels because that’s all I been wanting to hear from the past six months that he was ready to make full commitment; ready to take all of me not just a piece of me. So, after that conversation I was feeling good about where things were going so, I texted him an told him we needed to talk because I wanted to plan out how the move would happen because I would need to find a job, enroll the kids in a new school, and pack up my apartment. So, once we begin to talk, I could instantly hear the doubt and hesitation in his voice, so this is where I start to get pissed because I’m not for the wishy-washy feelings. He starts off by saying that he wants to focus on his training first and then he starts saying he’s not sure if he wanna give up his freedom totally, and yall could see me at this point steam was coming from my head because MR! when you got with me mind you four years ago! you knew for the lack of a better word consequences of dating a girl with children. When you date a woman with kids, they are part of the package there’s no if, ands or buts about it, we’re a package you can’t have Pieces of me you take all my baggage or nothing at all. At this point I’m fuming because the next series of excuse are just anything to say like who’s gonna watch the kids,  where would I work, and what if I was to get pregnant(pause! who planned on getting pregnant not me sir!) ; like dude are serious of course I would have to get those things in place that’s my reason for planning in the first place. I just started to become overcome with so many emotions; I was instantly disappointed because I truly thought he was serious about us moving forward. After the disappointment started anger began to sit in like why would he ever have the audacity to play around with my heart, because when I love I love hard, I felt like I was being taken for granted like I am being strung along. I felt like I was being used in a sense; I felt like it was only a piece of my life he was willing to deal with, like its ok to be with as long as you’re not totally with me I felt like he wanted to have his cake and eat it to. I was feed up with him; I know deep down in my heart that he’s the one for me and my kids, I kinda see myself as a hopeless romantic searching for my king and I’m pretty sure I found him, but I can’t go on opening myself fully to him when he only gives me Pieces!
Image result for pieces

4 comments:

  1. That was deep. I’m just waiting on you to write your book.
    #Truetalent
    #blackgirlmagic

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Nicci!!!!.....I gotta start writing the book I have so many stories

      Delete

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